Happily Ever After

It has always been an age old debate. Does age matter in a relationship? Most of us will say it d oesnt but when confronted by the sight of that odd couple, we would cringed and wonder why and what are the reasons? Money, power, status or is it really true love? I can bet true love would not be a popular answer but histories all over the world seem to support it. Anna Nicole Smith does not really help the cause with her antics.


I had my own fair share of stares and constants whispering before. I was in a relationship with an older woman. She was 10 years older than me. She was a divorcee with 4 young daughters. The eldest was 10 years younger than me, twins who were entering their teenage years and the youngest was 10 years old when I met her. We were a couple for a good 3 years before it all ended.


In any relationship, there will always be obstacles and challenges that you might have to face but being in a relationship that society deemed to be wrong not just in Malaysia but everywhere else in the world was something else. At first it was hard as going for movies or having a dinner outside were a challenge for us as we have to ignore staring eyes watching our every move and being judge d on the way we acted. Try as you might to be comfortable but when you just feel every single pair of eyes were fixed on you, it was a struggle. You thought after awhile it would stop but it never did and t became impossible to ignore. It became stressful and we usually opt for takeaways and vcds or dvds.


Other than trying to avoid the public scrutinizing us, convincing your family especially parents were not a smooth ride as well.When I told my parents, well, my mother actually that I was going out with a divorcee with 4 kids, she was taken aback but she accepted it and told me that I am mature enough to make my own decision….at first. But I guess family pressure and my father 's constant “advise”, she decided that I should be guided in making my decision. Parents know best and my grandma supported my parents ' “advise”. To be honest, I am not mad at them for not accepting the relationship. It was just sad that I was never given a chance to prove to them that I am matured enough to make my own decisions. But being the eldest and also a Muslim son, I am always taught that anything that is not blessed by your parents or older members of the family, it is advisable not to proceed further…which I followed.


Friends being part of the society and also human being were not that fond of our relationship. We were never in each other friends ' circle. We tried to fit into each others social life but it was impossible because there were too many sarcasms and awkward moments. My friends would be pushing me to leave her for someone younger with a brighter future and start a family of my own, not a ready made family. Her friends would be telling her that I was actually going for her money, her house and some even accused me of using her to get to her daughters. That also contributed to our already conflicted relationship. I don’t trust her friends and she doesnt trust mine. Our friends would find ways to introduce us to someone new which at first was funny but down the road jealousy took controlled. Trust was not there anymore and it was hard convincing each other that going out with friends were just an innocent night out or a social event.


We knew it was never going to be easy but we tried our best to make it happen. Making a relationship work by itself was hard enough. Trusting each other was hard enough. Trying to solve conflicts within was hard enough. Just ignore all those talks and stares, some people might say. Trust me, you can’t especially when family comes into the picture. We went our separate ways. It was hard for both of us but we do have to admit that we have to be fair to each other needs and future. Somehow, I think it was a blessing in disguised for us. She met a guy soon after that, who is also a divorcee with 2 kids and are now engaged to be married. I found myself a terrific and lovely lady who I thanked Allah SWT for letting our paths crossed.


Until the day when we are ready to accept love unconditionally, age will always be an issue to us. I learn that the hard way but I cherish the time we had. I had closed that book a long time ago and now I am opening a new book in my life. This time I wish it will end with…………………………



Happily Ever After