A Dangerous Affair

15 years is a long time and saying goodbye is the hardest thing. Looking back through the years that we have spent together, the good and bad times, I can’t imagine myself going through life without this old friend of mine. But I know, no matter how I tried to deny it, I have to say goodbye and end this dangerous affair. 2006 will be the beginning of the end of my long courtship with the loyal but a dangerous friend, the cigarette.


I was introduced to the cigarette by a friend of mine and also out of my own curiosity I guess. Everyone else were doing it and the people on TV looked very cool when they are smoking…. that was what I thought at that time. Just try once, just wanted to know how it tastes and feels like. I came home feeling sick, sweating as if I am a human water tap and my head feels like splitting into half. My mom thought I was having a fever. I didn’t tell her of course. I slept all through the night and swore I would not take another puff of that terrible thing. Well, my resolution went out the window the next day.


I have always wanted to stop but my will were not strong enough and saying ‘Tak Nak’ was a problem. I always succumbed no matter how hard I try. 3 months without smoking were the longest time I had gone without a ciggie but all the effort went down the drain with “Alaa….just a little puff . Trust me, u won’t go back to smoking”……and I went home with a box of Dunhill I bought on the way home.


Some people tried stopping when the girlfriend asked them and yes, I am one of those but I end ed up lying to her. I did not smoke in front of her but I was like a locomotive behind her. I was actually having a secret affair with my cigarettes. After every date, I would stop by at one of the kedai kopi and bought the loose cigarettes sold for about 25 cents each. The first puff felt liked peeing after an hour of holding it. Well, she found out later about my “affair” and lectured me about lying and being honest to each other which I totally agreed. So I start ed smoking in front of her after that.


My dad is not a smoker and he hates smokers but the funny thing is my two other brothers and I are. He knows that we smoke but we have never ever smoked in front of him. My dad ha s this amazing nose and he would know immediately if someone has been smoking in the toilet or outside the house. He might not know who but he would lecture and membebel about the danger of smoking, the diseases and a whole lot of other things until he was sure all of us heard it. But as we grew older and one of my brothers is married with a son now, he cut down on the lecture but he will always slip in a few more if he got the chance. The most frequent would be “Cuba simpan duit pake ngisap rokok for benda lain. Apa faedah nya merokok…sama cam nunok (membakar) duit jak”...


I know that smoking is dangerous for my health. Lung cancer is the most famous and common disease among smokers but the sensation that I get from smoking just can’t be substituted. It started with trying to be cool and part of the group and it turn to be an important part of me. And every time I tr ied to stop, my weight will go up which obviously something I don’t want to happen. I am not conscious about my weight but I constantly have to nibble on something just to not think about smoking. Arghhh…..so I start ed smoking again for that reason…I don’t want to gain weight. Aiyoo…the things I do just to smoke again.


This time around though, I am going to try my best to stop. It is not because Sherie wants me to, although she would love it, if she knew . It is just because I want to stop and the fact that the price of cigarettes is killing me. When I started smoking, it was about RM3.20 per box but now it is RM7.00. I smoke about 4 boxes per week which means I have to fork out RM28.00 per week and RM112.00 per month. That is a lot of money, don’t you think? To me it is…….dang…it is like an Air Asia ticket flight from KL to Kuching to KL. So I decided to stop because of that particular reason….use the money to see my love ones back home or kill myself with it? I think any fool can think of the best option kan?


No more standing on the apartment balcony looking outside and wondering about my future with a cigarette between my mouth. No more smoking when I am sleepy. No more that must-smoke after meal rules and of course…..no more company when I am doing the “big business”. It has been almost a month now and I am still going strong though I suddenly found out that my sleeping problem came up at almost the same time I stop smoking. I don’t know if there is any connection….hmmmm. Anyways, I just hope it will be successful this time around and stay away from that delightful, mesmerizing…..snap out of it…..that foul smelling, killing machine….oh how I miss…..arghh…..good for nothing, making holes in my shirt and baju melayu (kretek Gudang Garam done a lot of that to me before)……cigarettes.