Cracking a Joke....

“Patutlah bontot perempuan-perempuan kat Sarawak ni besar2…..duduk kat dalam bas lama sangat”

How would you feel when someone says that to you? How would you feel if that someone is your boss? How would you feel if that someone is old enough to be your dad? How would you feel if you have to face that someone 6 days a week??

My good friend, Tikus had just joined this company in Miri about a month ago. And trust me, it took a lot of persuasion on my side for her to finally accept the job. It’s not because she is scared to be alone at a new place or not wanting to leave her family behind but because her boyfriend of 7 years is in Kuching and working so far away will disrupt their plan to get married. But then I reminded her that she is getting triple of what she is getting paid, accommodation and transportation provided and she is finally gonna do something that she wants most......so, she tendered her resignation and left for Miri. And did I mention that the new company is willing to pay her old company one month’s salary in lieu of her 24 hrs resignation? Lucky gal I tell you.

Tikus and I have a special bond. We are very close and we share our problems with each other, we love hanging out and we share sick sense of humour. The missus was a bit concern about it at first but she came to realise that we are just good friends….more like brother-sister. To be honest, Tikus is not what u can call a pretty girl but she is cute. When I first met her, she was this new girl in the office who doesn’t wear make-up, always with the same black or brown head-scarf or “tudung” (that kinda have this weird smell I must add), a pair of sandal and a sling bag where she put almost everything you can think of. “Never will I wear heels”, she once said to me. Well, now after 5 years of friendship she’s wearing hazel coloured contact lenses, make-up which is a must before going out and well, not heels, but at least shoes a lady would normally wear. One thing she’s always been concern with is the size of her butt. Seriously, coz she whines about it everytime we meet. “You think this jeans make it look bigger? Should I wear black jeans more to make it look smaller?” are some of the things she would ask before we go out. I do have to admit, it is…..sizeable. One of our good friends, AbuAbu always joked that her butt has a life of its own. Don’t worry, she was there when all the jokes were made.

So anyway back to the story. After 2 weeks at her new job, she called me.

Tikus: I’m fine, the housemate is great, work is hard but I’m coping with it but damn…. I just hate my boss!!! He is a rude, inconsiderate jerk!!! The others warned me about him but I just give him the benefit of the doubt. Oh My God!!! He gets on my nerve!!!

Raven: Ok…I’m fine too by the way. Ermmm…sabar..sabar!! He asked u to make coffee is it? Bully u? Gives u a lot of crappy work?? Biasalah kan… new kid on the block.

Tikus: I don’t mind the work and well, I don’t even mind if he asked me to make coffee!!! His mouth…his mouth is the problem!!! He just says things and it is disrespectful!!! He is the biggest jerk in the universe!!

Raven: Ok…tell me about this boss of yours?

Tikus: He is 55 and a divorcee. He’s from the East Coast and had been with the company for almost 4 years. The others told me to be careful with him….Orang Tua Lanji* they told me. He actually has a 22 year old girlfriend, a local girl who is a student in one of the college here.

Raven: Woooo…..is this guy a Sean Connery look a like or what? A 22 year old girlfriend? Are you for real? What’s his secret?

Tikus: Yes I am you idiot!!! Is that the only thing you care about??

Raven: Ooopppsss…..sorry. So what did this orang tua lanji did or say to you that got u all wound up?

Tikus: The 1st week I just ignored it cos being the new staff, malas nak tunjuk perangai. He was telling me about his girlfriend, about his VIP Armani card, VIP Guess Card, his Diners with a RM20K limit, his BMW is his luxurious house in Putrajaya….aiyo….everything lah. One day, he asked me where did I buy my baju cos I look nice so I cakap le I bought kat Sogo cos I’m not loaded. He selamba yaya told me that I should come shop with him sometime and he can buy nicer baju for me using his VIP Armani card…..he is like so desperate to tell everyone that he got money.

Raven: Wahlau….. kau perah lah dia….hahahahaha….buy me one Armani shirt or something (laughter stopped immediately after a loud, high pitch and ear drum tearing scream was heard)

Tikus: Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………I am gonna hang up if you continue laughing!!!!

Raven: Ok..ok…sorry. Pathetic lah pak cik tu….guess I know his younger girlfriend’s secret already. So he flirts with you? Flirting only what…

Tikus: Flirting only!!! I haven’t finished my story, Paloi*!!!

Raven: My bad. Please do continue.

Tikus: Ok…thank you. I mean, I can take it if he just cakap besar…I can just ignore it but…..arggghhhh….when he starts to make dirty jokes, I just can’t take it anymore. Rasa cam nak cucuk his eyes…..ishhh….geli lah. Just like in the malay movies when the bad guy nak do something….usap2 his dagu…

Raven: Ala-ala Jalaluddin Hassan lah…knowing you, u must’ve done something to make him stop, right?

Tikus: Of course lah….u know me too well. Like before, I surrounded myself with big bulky men so they can protect me from that old gatal man! You were one them before, remember?

Raven: Which one, the old gatal man or big bulky men?
Tikus: Hmmm….betul jugak kan? Which one? Big bulky men lah, idiot!!

Raven: Wohooo…ok, so did that work?

Tikus : NOOOOOOOOO!!!! He is still at it. The last draw was when he said“Patutlah bontot perempuan-perempuan kat Sarawak ni besar2…..duduk kat dalam bas lama sangat”. Arghhhhhhhhhh…… I was too mad to say anything.

Raven: What? He actually said that?!! Tu dah melampau….too much!!!


Ok, I mean that is too much right? I mean, we do joke around with our friends…..only close friends, not someone whom you’ve just known for 2 weeks, and that person is cracking jokes about your “cracks”? I mean he’s her boss and old enough to be her dad! Shouldn’t he be the one to set a good example? To be a role model or something? Isn’t that sexual harassment? What should she do?

p/s: Henry and Ronaldinho in the same team? Better hold on tight to that title Real!!!